Steps to writing a memoir

1. Start with whatever your loved one can do. It can be a recorded or written list or a spoken dialogue about their life. If your parent cannot start, you might give him/her a list of key events and ask them what his/her thoughts are about these, what their reactions were, how they or their friends and family were affected by these events.

2. Develop a list of questions on a specific topic coming from multiple angles and ask one or two each time you meet with your parent.

3. Listen and write everything down. You may not think something your parent says is significant, but months later you will see why it matters.

4. Let your parent repeat their stories, and view it as a chance to get new details and better words.

5. At a certain point tell family members about the effort. Many of ours sent photos or came to visit and told Mom stories. Some of this made its way into the book. Some just triggered memories, which was also wonderful for all of us.

6. Have your parent answer three overarching questions, appropriate to the time, and weave these into the book to some extent. These can differ based on your interests and the interests of your parent and family. I asked my mother what was her experience of the moment? What was the family dynamic in her judgment now, looking back? And how did the economy back then impact her?

7. Buy books, music and videos of the places and times to trigger memories. Mom would look at these on her own and write down a memory or thought these brought to mind. Many of these comments were incorporated into the text. As part of the research I also reached out to local historical societies, and went on Ebay looking for relevant items, old postcards, programs etc. Also, reviewing the materials provided hours of fun for her while I was not there.

8. Read, reread and discuss the draft text. Again, this provided many enjoyable hours for Mom when she was otherwise alone. Often I asked her to focus on a theme or a person and spend the next few days writing down whatever came to mind.

9. Always work with whatever your parent’s natural tendency is. Nail it down and then push for the opposite. My mother was very factual; almost matter of fact and devoid of emotion. I captured that then pushed to find the little details that hinted at the emotions, which began slowly but surely to release the flood of emotions!

10. Have a professional editor go over the manuscript for typos, grammar and punctuation, and also to edit out any redundancies.

• About Addie
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